The Sin that So Easily Besets Men

This post is intended for men. It’s not that women can’t read it or won’t get anything out of it, but you’ll see. Virtually all men struggle at various times with the temptation of pornography.[1] This comes from men’s struggle with lust. Much of the time, we pretend like only the “bad” men struggle with this, so we leave it to ourselves to figure out, on our own, instead of utilizing the resources of our fellow brothers within the body of Christ. When I say it’s virtually all men, I am serious. I can only think of one guy I’ve ever met who didn’t struggle with it (and I believed him). I am nonetheless continually surprised that even pastors struggle with it (as though they were not human).

What do I mean by “struggle”? People often get the impression that “struggle” means a continual falling in this sin. It may surprise you to know that by “struggle” I mean being presented with a temptation (regardless of whether you fall). Thus, one can struggle with a sin even if he has not fallen into it for quite some time. This is an everyday struggle for men—even the spiritual men, even the godly men, even the men who would never say anything about it. This includes me. Christian women may find themselves incredulous that nearly every man they know struggles with this, but they do!

Some men think, “So what’s the problem with what I think, or see? It only affects me, not others.” While doubtless few Christian men would say this, I wouldn’t be surprised if this were an occasional attitude. The problem is that it does affect you. It affects the way you see women; instead of as creations made in the image of God, you start to see them as objects to be desired, pursued, and obtained or conquered. Sin affects a person, and a person affects the people around them. Thus, what you think in your heart and what you see and allow your mind to be influenced by has an affect on those around you—and it’s often the ones you love the most who are hurt.

So if we’re going to talk about it, what should we do? What I propose is neither original to me nor exhaustive, but here are some suggestions nonetheless:

1.     Be honest about it. We must start with confession and repentance if we’re going to go anywhere. Confess and repent before God. He shows grace, mercy, and forgiveness!

2.     Find accountability partners, both “on your level” and “above your level.” By that I mean find someone who is going through the same thing you are (wherever on the struggle you might be), and find someone else who has gained more of a victory in his life who will help you. The fellowship in these two relationships will help you. Too often, we only find someone who is on the same level, and one of two things happen: A. We end up dropping the accountability, since no one wants to admit they are struggling, or B. We both end up falling and are honest, but the consistent refrain is basically “that’s OK.”

3.     Get accountability software. This doesn’t ensure you have a pure mind—far from it—but it does help give you some peace of mind. Your accountability partners are notified each week of your activities online. It isn’t for the purpose of “gotcha!”—rather, it’s for the purpose of encouragement and interceding for each other in times of weakness.

4.     Get a Scripture reading and prayer plan. This can be a formal program/devotional that you know of, or one of your own making, but being in the Word is essential. As Chuck Lawless recently wrote on his blog (paraphrased), I don’t know of anyone who was daily and deeply in the Word and in prayer who fell while doing this. It’s not a legalistic remedy; you have to want to be in prayer and in the Word. But it’s strange: as you do it, you want to do it more. Good habits perpetuate good habits; bad habits perpetuate bad habits. And if you allow the Word to take root in your heart, you may find yourself starting to grow!

5.     Know that “victory” is relative and on-going. I am the kind of person who expects and wants to get to a particular point, have a one-time victory, and never struggle again. But this is not always (or even usually) the way it works with sins that truly tempt us. Some sins’ temptations never go away, and thus victory isn’t a one-time event; it is instead an everyday battle. This is simultaneously discouraging and encouraging. It is encouraging because you can gain a victory every day!

6.     After you have had a bit of success, consider mentoring others. Why keep victory to yourself? Others need prayer and intercession, wisdom and discussion. Don’t perpetuate the false idea that this is something dealt with alone, in shame and guilt. That leads to . . .

7.     Recognize the Gospel of Jesus Christ has the power to provide forgiveness and grace, and praise Him for it. Too often, we act as though anyone guilty of this kind of sin is branded with this kind of sin for life. Nothing could be more anti-Gospel. God has forgiven us, and we must forgive and restore also. When you are discouraged, or if someone else is, speak and meditate on the Gospel. Jesus Christ died for you and for your sins, for your forgiveness, and to show you grace in becoming the type of person you were always meant to be, in the power of the Holy Spirit, in the name of the Son, and according to the will of the Father. God’s grace is so much more glorious than my failures, and yours too!

Lastly, know that I will stand with you and pray with you (most of you know how to contact me; if you don’t, you can always ask in the comments section of any post). We’re all in this together; this is why God created biblical community (of course, be connected to your local church, too)! Any other advice you would give to someone facing down sins of sexual purity in thoughts or actions? Talk about it below.

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[1] While increasing numbers of women struggle with this, I am quite unqualified to speak to women in this manner. Nonetheless, some of the principles I suggest could be used by them.

The Gospel and Evil in the World

Yesterday, I wrote about how I am not obligated to speak on every instance of evil that occurs. However, since I brought it up, and did condemn the actions that took place in Charlottesville, I wanted to add a little more. The Christian story—and the hope of the Gospel—has a lot to say in various areas that get varying levels of attention. We ought to speak on each of these kinds of issues.

First, there is the issue of abortion. Lost in much of the hectic day-to-day for many is the idea that a holocaust is taking place, something that represents modern-day slavery in terms of America’s moral shame: the killing of unborn babies. Children are precious in the sight of God (Isaiah 1:17, James 1:27, Luke 18:16, Matthew 18:6), and harming them by putting them to death is an atrocity that must be spoken out against.

Second, there is the issue of human trafficking. Much of human trafficking is done as indentured servitude, and quite a bit as sex slavery as well. Would-be immigrants are offered “jobs” for transport and shelter for not enough money to pay all the bills. In return, the traffickers “rescue” the people, and they are fundamentally forced to stay in these conditions. The Bible does have a bit to say on this form of servitude, and it wouldn’t be correct to say it condones it. On Israelite servanthood, the issue was about protecting both the lender (who was not to charge interest on his countrymen) and the borrower in the event he could not pay. Human trafficking fails to treat people as human beings made in the image of God (Gen. 1), and so ought to be opposed vigorously.

The third issue I would like to discuss is that of bigotry. Bigotry exists against various groups, and to varying degrees. Believing that one race is inferior to another, inherently, is a fundamental denial of the creation part of the human story. We are all made in the image of God, and we ought to seek racial reconciliation, peace, and justice for those who are oppressed. The Old Testament is replete with references to peace and justice, and how we treat the poor and oppressed tends to say a lot about us.

I don’t have all the answers on all of these things. I don’t know all of what we should do. I do know that I am constantly trying to learn; I want to be in an attitude of learning and prayer. May God use us to right these three major types of wrongs, by bringing the Gospel to the people in an intentional and contextual way, letting the transforming power of the Spirit work, and doing what we can in our communities today.

Condemning, Confessing, Promoting on Social Media

I missed much of what happened over the weekend. I wasn’t on social media for most of the weekend, and since I’ve now come to realize I get the vast majority of my news from it, I wasn’t really aware of what happened. I wasn’t going to address the Charlottesville issue because I don’t address that many political issues on Facebook much anymore.[1]

So let me just say that I condemn racism and using violence to solve ideological issues in this country, regardless of right, alt-right, left, center, progressive, far-left, far-right, whatever your preferred political label is. The Gospel needs to be the answer; the transforming power it contains in the person and work of Jesus Christ, the Father who sent him, and the Holy Spirit is what we all need.

Now instead of giving you all of my opinions on what has happened, I’m going to take a bit of a different approach. My wife mentioned to me that she has seen some on social media insisting on something like the following: you must condemn this on social media, and if you don’t, then insert your favored term here (“then you’re a racist,” “then you’re not a Christian,” “then you’re bigoted,” “then you must be alt-right,” etc.).

I think this is problematic, and frankly appears to be a single step above the old Christian chain e-mails, whereupon receiving one a believer was expected to forward it to 25 friends, lest she be condemned as “ashamed of Christ.” While one should not be ashamed of Christ, and one should even utilize their e-mail platform to promote Christ, whether or not she sent the e-mail has no bearing on whether she is fulfilling her duties as a Christian (even though it could—say, if in fact she was ashamed of Christ, and this is why she didn’t send the e-mail).

In a similar way, I am not required to condemn everything loudly, even when it may be worthy of condemnation. I did so above only because, since I am addressing the issue, it’s quite appropriate to do so. Nothing about my previous non-response entails my view on a subject, and anyone who interprets that way is doing so illegitimately. I’m afraid what the combination of social media and competitive, customized journalistic agendas has produced is a world filled with fundamentalists, where not saying, thinking, and doing the same exact set of things as everyone else in the group is condemned in the most extreme terms, where people are virtually incapable of nuanced debate, and where they are constantly looking for conflict. This kind of thinking, without check or restraint, nearly always leads to violence, and leads us to hate others in our hearts, in violation of Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount (cf. Matthew 5:21-22).

Finally, while some good can be done on social media, let us not kid ourselves: the world’s social ills are not solved on Facebook. Should you use your platform to advance the Gospel and truths related to it (which will doubtlessly include condemning racism)? Of course you should do this occasionally, at least. Let’s engage the world with the hope of the Gospel—one that transcends race and political ideology!

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[1] And I get that it’s not merely a political issue. I really do! But it’s become one, and almost immediately after it occurred.

Philosophy in Evangelism

I’d like to tell you about an encounter I had yesterday with a guy I’ll call “Marv.” I was out to get something to eat, and for some reason I just believed I should talk to this young man. I didn’t know how, so I prayed something would come up naturally. Well, at first, it didn’t, and he was about to leave. So I just approached him and said, “This is something I like to ask people occasionally, and I’m wondering what you think about Jesus.” He politely responded, “Oh, I’m a nihilist.” That piqued my interest, so I told him that I was a PhD student in philosophy. Then he received his order, and headed out the door. Well, I thought, at least I tried.

After I received my own order a minute later, I headed out the door. Marv happened to be sitting outside, and as I bid him a good night, he said something like, “Good luck on your studies!” I took the opportunity to come back to him and began discussing nihilism and its attendant philosophy. He was very receptive to what I had to say, and I listened to Marv as well.

Ours was far more of a discussion than a debate. His story was that he grew up in a Southern Baptist home, but the youth group didn’t really do anything. He found himself not believing in what he had been taught at all, and at age 18 he faced an ultimatum: go to church seemingly every time the doors were open, or else move out. He chose to move out, and it sounded as though the relationship with his family and Christianity is still rough.

This was one of the few times that I have been able to use philosophy explicitly and in person in an evangelistic conversation. Marv eventually admitted that it seemed that there really is something we sense that is right or wrong about something, and not just for our culture, but for everyone; and that if there is such a thing—indeed, if there is anything beyond the physical in any way at all—then nihilism as a comprehensive worldview is false. He agreed that the world is broken due to the evil that we all commit, and he listened as I explained the Gospel.

In the end, he agreed to read the Gospel of Mark and pay attention to Jesus in it. He also appreciated any prayer. Near the end of our discussions of epistemology, ontology, morality, the will to power, brokenness, and the Gospel, I told him, “I’m telling you this because I care. In fact, I was praying about how to talk to you naturally about this, and you study philosophy and I study philosophy. Now it could be just a coincidence, but maybe, maybe, God is trying to tell you something.” He agreed to think about what I said.

He’s twenty years old, is respectful, and readily admits that he doesn’t know everything. He could really use our prayers. This post is not to toot my own horn—please understand all glory goes to God. Instead, this post is to serve two functions: 1. Please be obedient to try to share the Gospel. The worst thing to take place is that you won’t know something (and you can always find out and get back to them!) or that you’ll be rejected, just like Jesus. 2. Philosophy can easily be used in conversational evangelism, like it was with “Marv,” by asking people questions about their worldview, and then asking follow-up questions. For example, when people say morality is nothing but a social construct, you can ask their reasons for thinking that. Or else, ask if there really is a sense that some things are wrong for all, and if that might point to something greater than ourselves. In any case, philosophy really does help, as our God is a God of truth!

Baptism and Submission to God the Holy Spirit

So lately I have tried to be more responsive to the Spirit of God in his promptings in my life. This is as opposed to being dismissive outright or just not engaging in thought on the topic. In my life (as is common to many) I have struggled with assurance of salvation. I prayed the prayer “just in case” but generally knew of course that didn’t save me. I settled the issue of assurance mostly during college, when I had heard someone say that if the struggle results in wanting to commit to God, then it’s probably conviction of God; if it’s merely of guilt and despair, it’s probably of Satan. That resonated with me. I also made a profession of faith when I was very young, and it’s hard for me to remember a whole lot about it. I further realized that, whether that conversion was real or not (if it wasn’t, it is hard for me to point to one specific place that I was), I am converted: I am trusting in Jesus Christ, his finished work on the cross, that he is God the Son, lived a perfect life, died for my sins and was raised the third day. I further want to follow him and have seen evidence of the Spirit’s work in my own life. I may have prayed the prayer a hundred times, but none of those prayers have ever saved me; none ever could.

In any case, I had occasionally wondered if I was saved at the time I had my baptism as a child. If you made me guess, to this day, I’d probably say 60-40 that I was. However, I wasn’t sure. In times past, I had really not entertained it much, and just dismissed it out of mind. However, this time, I knew that God wanted me to reach out to a member of the pastoral staff at my church.

So I crafted an email to one of the pastors and explained my situation. We determined we would meet up at church to talk about it briefly. I told God my responses to the three possible outcomes: 1. If he told me I should undergo baptism, I would gladly submit. 2. If he told me not to worry about it, then I wasn’t going to worry about it. 3. If he told me it was up to me, I would pray about it for a week and get back to him. I honestly expected him to go the route of (3), or maybe (2). So I was surprised when he said, “Let’s do it!” For a moment, I worried about what people would think. Then I realized that it doesn’t matter; what matters is that I follow God and do what I told him I would do, in response to how I believed he was working things out.

So this past Sunday (Easter!) I was baptized. There’s a chance (see above) that I was just “getting wet,” but let me explain the idea. If this was my baptism, then I was being obedient to the Lord. I obviously have no regrets about that. If this wasn’t—that is, if I was saved when I was baptized as a child—then my testimony is one of being willing to follow God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit as they lead, and being willing to submit to the authority of my local body of believers (the church). It may even resonate with others in the church. I obviously have no regrets about that!

In any case, it is by no means my mission to make someone doubt whether they are saved or have been properly baptized. That would be to miss my point. My point is that whatever the Lord is asking you to do, don’t ignore it. Let the Holy Spirit have his work in you, so that you will be the kind of person he wants you to be: conformed to the image of Jesus Christ.